Oh how I wish I could turn back clocks, rewrite stupid things I’ve said or done…
However I am damn certain stupid things I may have said or done would have only affected me adversely & not millions as the Con-dems unelected government are doing….
Its like democracy has left the building (by the back door) & no one cares.
I have had a bloody horrible weekend. Topped off by a row with my daughter over a snickers bar.
This may seem trivial but you need to understand the whole story & how this fascist government has caused this situation…. One I never ever dreamed I would be in. One that would be totally represented by a row over a £1 Snickers duo…….
I was in bed feeling a bit ropey, but was awake & untill 2am Sunday morning, writing – earning a whopping £3.84 for 5 hours work (researching & writing a piece for an american, who will pay me through a site, which will take its commission & the forward the payment to me thereafter). Why bother I hear you say – It’s because that £3.94 will pay towards electric at the end of this month – or maybe even food…
1) Stress – over everything that’s going on – 2) Tablets side effects are memory problems…
I woke at 8 am this morning to a very harsh text – telling me I was no-friend & obviously didn’t value her as much as she valued me etc etc (a drunken ramble, which girls do when they are upset)…. This hurt, as I value her so very much & just the realisation I had forgotten actually made me cry…. (I’ve text her since & sorted it but it’s a hard reminder that the old me is very much on the “missing list” right now ).
I then had family arrive mid-morning unannounced – Something usually absolutely OK but now, it worries me threefold – Will the gas / electric go while they are here, have I got enough milk/food etc for them, Will it rain & so they can’t use the toilet (bloody ridiculous I know).
I then realise they sort of expect dinner (again something that this time last year – pre-illness & income squeeze, wouldn’t have been an issue). So I nip to the local Co-op & get the cheapest dinner possible (Me & my girls were going to have pasta again as usual), 2 chickens for £7… & pray the gas doesn’t go off..
That plus Potatoes, veg, cooking oil (& the gas being used) eats best part of £15 which was ear-marked for next week :-(…
I do it all, cooking cleaning dishing up blah blah blah – even though I can’t eat it (stomach problems prohibit large meals for me) & then sit.
My daughter then asks for a lift to a friends tomorrow, I advise I can’t as I wont have the money now… Im sorry everything has been paid out & I am short, I also have this big thing going on with the HA regarding the rent – its a bloody nightmare & something I never in a million years thought would be my nightmare… To which the response “I’m sick of hearing about money money all the time, I only asked for a lift” & a disappointed teenager stroppy’s off into the kitchen.
Oh I do understand, I am sick of the sound of my voice too, I am physically sick of this life right now…. Sick of paying for everything & actually working myself into a grave (not dramatics, Just FACT). And I am certain if I was 19 & not nearly 50, I would be Fk’ing sick of hearing about it too.
Next minute I get shouted at from the kitchen (bear in mind there are 5 other people in my lounge listening) “Where is the snickers bar”?
(These are 2 snickers that were on sale last week for £1, I bought them for myself… I am the only wage earner in the house & NEVER buy anything for me…..)
I said, I ate it.
“What, both of them”? Came the reply in the most shirty tone….
So of course all hell broke loose with me screaming, “Why cant I spend £1 on my bloody self” & My teenager screaming about how she wants to move out as the house is like a prison, no proper food, sometimes no heat / hot water etc etc…
The whole sher-bang row.
Sad thing is, She is right – A year or so ago, This wasnt the case, I was sick, but could manage working full-time, but the redundancy stopped that, then the emergency hospitalisation came & the whole world turned upside down… An employer withheld wages (court date this year, already have the CCJ against them but they still holding wages). and then I find an employer willing to accommodate all my hospital admissions & appointments, but this means I get no financial help thanks to how the benefits system works… Also as my 19 year old completed her college course & there was a HR apprentice role she was supposed to get (funny enough within the local gov) but its been shelved for 6 months, she cant sign on or will risk losing the role… so I get no support for her. My other 20 year old is Disabled & gets DLA in her own right, She has been told she cant claim JSA as her disability precludes her from too many jobs, but she also cant get ESA as she wants to work… What a stupid system… again means I alone am financially responsible for her too.
All in all 3 adults living off me… It’s NOT their fault BUT IM SO TIRED……
Plus the house is disgusting… The HA has spent 4 years arguing over works that should’ve been completed as per a court order in 2008. The walls they promised wouldnt crack, Have!
The decor that they “made good” has all but fell off of the walls & the ceilings are collapsing inwards…
No one cares & thanks to the Gov, as I am a socially housed tenant – I have No rights….
If this was a privately owned property – I would have rights…
What a joke.
Anyway.. I needed to rant as I am in my room avoiding my guests & my girls… I am ashamed I am unable to – despite working & striving – provide for them…
I can’t even provide a decent home – one you can bath / wash in without rain water splashing on you…. what is this about?
It’s about forcing people like me, those of us that don’t fit into the “elite” bracket into poverty in a stealth attack way… one whereby they can get their hands on our homes & therefore make money….
I am sure I will be dead before that day as the stress will kill me, BUT let me be clear – I promise you, I will keep on fighting, right to my dieing breath —-
I am Working class & proud – So are my girls – We don’t want to live on benefits BUT we also dont deserve what is being done to us…
Wake up UK
We didn’t VOTE for this…. This is a Phony government!
One built on lies, one promising undeliverable things & one waging war on 90% of the populace.
My family domestics are a direct result of LMI’s being squeezed into abject poverty..
Wake up UK